#but i think there’s a lot that is just natural reaction inherent in the body that is pretty hard to consciously adjust

[redlikerosesandflowers]

A Maddie Wachowski appreciation post

I think Maddie Wachowski deserves more love in the fandom, so I'm going to dedicate this post to her and how amazing she is. Tom deserves all the praise for being an amazing father and person, but this woman deserves the praise too!

We see how amazing she is right from the first movie.

For starters, Maddie is clearly someone who is loving, selfless and kind. She chose to be a veterinarian, a profession that is inherently focused on caring and compassion, which says a lot about the kind of person she is. Sonic points out how good she's with animals and we know that he only trusts people he deems to be good-natured.

If the boy with trust issues says you're kind to animals, you've got nothing but good bones in your body.

Next, she's a great wife and complements Tom very well. They're clearly best friends, have movie nights together, and spend quality time together often enough that Sonic can see a pattern. They joke around, are comfortable with each other, and it's obvious how much she loves him.

When the letter from SFPD arrives, she's eager to see her husband's reaction and while we get the joke about the two cakes, it just proves how much Maddie cares. She made sure Tom had her support no matter what the outcome of the letter.

(I also love how the rejection cake focuses on how SF lost Tom, that they're morons and the iconic Golden Gate Bridge is on fire. This woman is Thomas Wachowski's hype man, I tell you!)

And the next scene shows that she was already looking at apartments before, regardless of the outcome of the letter, demonstrating Tom's unwavering faith and that yes, she never doubted that he could get it, not even for a moment.

Maddie is also in tune with Tom's feelings, showing that she not only knows him better than anyone but always provides an environment for him to be vulnerable and comfortable opening up. She notices his hesitation and lightens the mood, playing along with Tom's witty comments until she gets to the heart of the matter.

When her husband asks if she's okay with the move, she not only assures him that she is, telling him how grateful she's for the sacrifices he made to make her dreams come true - which Maddie knows were many because they probably had a long-distance relationship while she was in Vet School while Tom paid for everything and apparently she repeats this enough that he knows it by heart - but she also states that is more than okay to uproot her entire stable life if it means Tom will be happy.

Not only that, she senses Tom's anxiety and that the real problem is that HE'S unsure if leaving the city is the right choice and doesn't press when he says he's sure, even though he knows it wouldn't be the best thing to do.

I also think it's cute how Maddie has a strict no-aggression policy. It's not that the woman isn't willing to throw hands - because she is - but rather that Maddie doesn't like gratuitous violence and is quite firm about that opinion, even scolding Tom about it.

Still on the subject of these two's relationship, I want to highlight how these two are ride and die for each other.

Tom was accused of DOMESTIC TERRORISM and yet he had no doubt that he could count on Maddie, showing her unconditional love and loyalty, in addition to seeing her as an emotional support and a person to turn to when anxiety is high. 

She, on the other hand, was not suspicious of him but rather worried, and defended him from her own sister even with the evidence against her very clear.

Speaking of which, Maddie's unconditional love is not limited to humans and animals but also to aliens, which would become her children. 

(the most valid crash out of the first movie after the Sonic one)

She does not show any xenophobia or prejudice against Sonic in their first meeting, but she was empathetic with the hedgehog from the beginning, moved by his condition. And despite the initial shock, she always saw him as a living being, worthy of care and support.

To the point of tying up her sister so she wouldn't interfere and becoming an accomplice to a domestic terrorist to help Sonic. Maddie doesn't mess around!

Not only that, she agreed to help Tom without reservations and handled the chaos thrown at her like a champion, focusing on helping Sonic and then embarking on all the madness without question.

She also went against Robotinik, and supported Tom and Sonic in the final battle. Where after everything is over she sees that Tom has solved his internal problems and seen what she always knew.

And the highlight of the first film: she agrees not only to cover up Sonic from the government, but also agrees to adopt him, helping to set up a room in the attic and everything! Maddie looked at this boy and said my son, without thinking twice!

(gif from @welcome-to-green-hills)

It gets even better in the second film when we see that the Wachowskis have a very common and mundane routine, with Maddie being the mother and a great one at that.

She continues to be Tom's emotional support (and now Sonic's too) and has the same unconditional faith in her husband that she has in her son. She gives Tom space to work things out with his son and shows a lot of affection, which Sonic reciprocates.

In the scene where they leave Hawaii, we see how Tom and Maddie are relationship goals and how Maddie plays with Sonic, making him feel comfortable.

In Hawaii, we see once more of her focus on Tom and how she is the emotional support and place where he can be open, in addition to their usual partnership. In addition to her love for her sister.

Tom is worried about Sonic and how lonely he can feel even with them as parents, and Maddie once again shows the absolute faith in her son and the emotional stability that is so essential for this family to function.

Then we have the scene where Sonic and Tails arrive after escaping the avalanche. Maddie is immediately worried about him and while Tom is a nervous wreck, she controls the situation so Sonic can explain himself.

After GUN shows up and arrests Sonic and Tails, Tom is detained and we see how Maddie takes charge of the situation, trying to reason with Walters to free her husband and son.

When that doesn't work, Maddie simply decides to take matters into her own hands and break into a place guarded by the feds to save her family! And it worked!

(Which also shows that she - like everyone else in this family - is okay with possible violence to ensure the safety of her loved ones🙂)

The next scene shows her taking care of Tails before Robotinik gives signals and Sonic goes to take care of everything alone. Maddie still tries to help but he doesn't listen.

So she and Tom try to solve the problem in Green Hills and we see how they are trying to help before going after their son! (Ugh, I love Found Family!)

And we have THE scene.

(original gifset @yellenabelova here)

Not only does Maddie is the one who catches him when he's almost crushed, but it's SHE who starts saying that they are a family and kicks off this statement. Coherent since she is the emotional core of this family and it's on her that Sonic rests his head when he's about to die, probably because - again - Maddie is the emotional support of the family. Tom follows here and they hug.

Then Sonic turns super Sonic, returns to normal and we see how affectionate Maddie is. Probably the most physically affectionate with Sonic!

(original gif @iwasbored777)

And not only with Sonic but with Tails and Knuckles who have become her children too. She even shows that she has already become attached to Knuckles!

And we have the third film.  

The beginning is pretty normal. We see how the whole family is united and Maddie is a loving mother and wife. She helps her children run and is clearly loving her position as a mother.

Despite the somewhat… er, questionable characterization at times, I have the impression that Sonic 3 tried to give Maddie more depth, making her temperamental side more visible and that sometimes she and Tom may have friction, but that doesn't mean they love each other any less. Or the boys.

On the contrary, she loves her husbands and children! She even threw a surprise party celebrating one year since they officially adopted Sonic! And she makes it very clear that when he arrived on Earth they formed a family! She loves this boy!

(original gif @iwasbored777)

Everyone is together and celebrating until GUN arrives. And ruins everything.

I love that Maddie asks what they did because she and Tom have already committed so many crimes against the government and apparently continue to do so lol. TOM has to point out that it was probably their children's work.

The next scene she appears in only further proves that Maddie has fully embraced her new life as a mother.

She and Tom have spent the last few hours pursuing new hobbies and activities that they can do now that it's just them, and it's clear that they can't get used to life as a couple anymore because the boys have become such an integral part of their routine!

And of course, she continues to be a ride and die with her family agreeing to invade GUN's private property in another country at the drop of a hat 😃

One interesting trait I noticed about Maddie during the planning is that she is a very pragmatic woman. She brought up Sonic's Super form as an efficient and quick way to take care of things. You know, the ultra-powerful and indestructible form? Yeah, Maddie really did say let's cause chaos and end this.

As I said, they brought out Maddie's more temperamental side - shown when she talked to Tom about the mini-Tom and disguised herself as Rachel - and that she likes to act like that from time to time, showing that her patience is something more constructed than natural to her.

I also found her relationship with Tom kind of funny and just a little poorly written in the next scenes, in which they prepare and invade GUN headquarters.

To start, the joke when she's dressed as Rockwell is TERRIBLE because Tom has never had eyes for any other woman other than Maddie. On the other hand, the scene showed that Maddie is just as capable of playing hands as her husband ¯⁠\⁠⁠(⁠ツ⁠)⁠⁠/⁠¯.

(Maddie knowing how to fight wasn't in my bingo but it makes sense. Good for her 👍🏼 And the next scene is them getting along again so, eh. Forgivable but I hope they don't do it again.)

However, they and Tails are captured and then trapped in gravity and almost die because of the debris if it weren't for Sonic, who saves them at the last minute.

I think it's really cute that she thanks him btw.

But nothing good can last, because Tom is then knocked out by Shadow and Maddie finds her husband unconscious, with the middle son in a panic and to make matters worse, the thing they were trying to prevent happens.

One detail that the novelization brings is that the paramedics said that Tom was alive but unresponsive. He could then be in a coma or even BRAIN DEAD for all Maddie knew.

I don't even want to imagine how she was feeling. Tom is Maddie's best friend and clearly the love of her life and seeing her significant other so close to death must have been devastating. The novelization says that she was in grief!

Not only that, as the only responsible adult she had to go with Tom and leave her children - already unstable - to their own devices. 

The look she gives Sonic and the others, God it's so haunting because Maddie is clearly SCARED. She can't tell her kids that everything is going to be okay and she can't even be with them because her husband needs her. Not only that, she now also depends on them because the worst has already happened and they have to stop the eclipse cannon and this mother has to ask her traumatized children for help to solve this mess because there is no other way.

Maddie had been the emotional pinnacle of this family for the entire 3 movies and that clearly took its toll here (more on this scene in @wherearedagrapes amazing analysis)

Maddie's inner turmoil is very understated, but the movie doesn't forget that we have a scene of her in the hospital with Tom unconscious behind her, as the cannon prepares to activate. For all Maddie knows, her children could be dead too. And she can't do anything about it because they are the only defense Earth has. That's horrible! A mother who has to accept that her children will put themselves in danger again and again. And now when ber husband is fighting for his life.

Luckily, everything works out and Maddie has her family complete again.

However, I hope that Sonic 4 brings more attention to her and the traumas that she certainly has now and develops her more in general.

Because Maddie Wachowski is amazing and deserves more love ❤️

[camplease]

harrow grew in her emotional awareness of other people as people at an incredible rate during the events of gideon the ninth, a rate that honestly stretches the bounds of plausibility. and i think a lot of it, maybe even most of it, was specifically a reaction to an awareness of gideon, specifically, in genuine mortal danger that harrow had never previously considered

even before harrow was able to accept that she feels any affection for gideon, her covetousness of gideon's presence is evident. but, on drearburh, even though there might’ve conceivably been natural disasters outside of harrow's control that could’ve changed this, i think gideon’s survival of the child massacre made gideon seem like an almost supernaturally ever-present fixture of harrow’s universe. no matter how much gideon bled and broke in those 17 years, i don’t think harrow had truly considered the reality of gideon’s mortality before

when harrow thought of losing gideon, she thought of gideon escaping. prior to canaan house, though death involving those close to her was already something harrow knew intimately well, each example is inextricably connected to its specific context. with "the body," the cause of death didn't pose any immediate, direct threat to harrow or those she cared about. as horrific all of drearburh’s children’s deaths were, as heavily as they weighed on harrow, this was a part of her history rather than an imminent threat. and, as much grief and sorrow that the personal responsibility harrow felt for her parents’ suicides colored her existence, as much as she even once blamed gideon, ultimately, harrow's parents killed themselves. these were all so different by their very nature from the deaths at canaan house and the possibilities they illuminated. something or someone was maliciously seeking out those among her in the present. gideon's very existence could no longer be taken for granted, never mind simply losing possession of her

i believe that both accepting her own care for gideon and accepting the risk of losing gideon beyond losing control over her is what led harrow to assess the inherent harm and dehumanization of their power imbalance and to begin to understand the flaws in her worldview overall, the flaws in the system that granted her and others in power the power to abuse it at will and use those under them as tools

but the reason why i say this was a lot of/most of and not all of the reason for harrow's growth is because i think she always had some latent capacity for it that she'd just previously suppressed. and i don't think this is unique to harrow. i think the worst people within any system wear away at their humanity, and, thus, their ability to perceive the humanity of others and act accordingly, a bit at a time. but this process isn't irreversible. harrow's relation to gideon was just the catalyst for that reversal in her

i can’t say exactly who harrow would’ve become without gideon at canaan house with her for the lyctoral trials, but she would’ve certainly been very different from the person she is now

decided to make my own post because i was thinking about this poll way too much and it led me to a big enough tangent that it's its own creature at this point, though i also wanna credit that initial spark

[lenaellsi]

I'm wondering how much of the fandom reaction of "Aziraphale doesn't ACTUALLY want Crowley to be an angel, he just wants to keep him safe/happy!" is because we spent four years between seasons assuming that Aziraphale had already accepted that Heaven and Hell aren't all that different, and that demons and angels aren't inherently good or bad. And it's difficult to let go of that idea in the same way that it's difficult to let go of the idea that they talked their shit out That Night At Crowley's Flat and have been happy ever since. But to actually understand Aziraphale's choice without hiding it behind coffee or lies or secret plans or body swaps or magic tricks or purely romantic intentions, we have to to understand that Aziraphale is still working under an incorrect framework of the world as divided into Cosmic Good and Cosmic Evil.

Because the thing is. Aziraphale does not like that Crowley is a demon. He just doesn't. We can talk about his reasons, but I really don't think that it's a disputable fact at this point. Aziraphale CONSTANTLY talks down to Crowley about the differences between them, and disparages demons in general and Crowley in particular over and over again. I mean, he's obviously just spewing the party line at this point, but he even describes the ultimate triumph of Heaven over Hell as "rather lovely." To Crowley. Where does he think Crowley fits, in that scenario? Is he thinking about it? (He is, surely, given how distressed he is over the danger Crowley is in due to the Arrangement?)

Crowley, to be fair, often says similar things about himself, and hates when Aziraphale calls him things like 'nice.' But as I've mentioned in another post, I think 2.03 makes it all but canon that a lot of that is self-preservation. Hell can't know that he's running around saving children and rescuing people from suicide and poverty, or he'll get dragged down there for decades. Crowley doesn't really think of himself as evil--he's visibly upset during their argument when Aziraphale hits him with "you're the bad guys!" because he thinks Aziraphale knows him better than that.

But instead, Aziraphale makes knee-jerk assumptions about Crowley and his intentions over and over again, including that he's behind the Reign of Terror in Paris and, about two minutes before realizing he's in love with him, that he's working with Nazis. Crowley seems annoyed and hurt both times, and denies it. There's no demonic posturing from him then.

Which makes the Job ep really interesting, right? Because Crowley actively lies and says that he is doing the properly demonic thing, but Aziraphale doesn't buy it. And why doesn't he buy it?

"I know the angel you were."

To Aziraphale, Crowley's kindness stems from the traces of that angel he knew. He thinks Crowley does good in spite of his nature, and not because of who he is as a person, life experiences as a demon very much included. This is because to Aziraphale, Heaven is Good, and all goodness must stem from it.

I've seen people get accused, when making this point, of attacking Aziraphale, or saying that he doesn't love Crowley, which is a ridiculous takeaway from S2. I've never seen a person more obviously in love, or a person more obviously trying to do good in the world. But so much of Aziraphale is tied up in his ability to believe multiple contradictory things at once. (See: the 80 years between "maybe there is something to be said for shades of gray" and "Heaven is the side of truth, of light, of good.") That doesn't make him stupid or ill-intentioned (in fact, he wouldn't need to do the kind of mental gymnastics we see from him if he wasn't clever enough to see through at least some of the bullshit) but it does mean that he's fully capable of loving Crowley while at the same time believing that demons are 'the bad guys.' Solution? Make Crowley an angel. Fix him, fix the bad apples in Heaven, be happy together, eliminate human suffering. Vavoom. Sorted.

Idk man. I'm constantly seeing takes that just...completely discount that Aziraphale really, genuinely, has misunderstood Crowley and the way the world works in his choice to return to Heaven. We can't blame it all on miscommunication. The most honest conversation in the world wouldn't fix this. Aziraphale has to go up there, without Crowley, and learn for the last time that Heaven is not Good, and will never be Good, because there is no Good. Good doesn't come from Heaven, or God, or even Crowley (and I see y'all, putting Crowley on a pedestal, saying Aziraphale wants to remake Heaven in his image--stop it.) Good comes from making the choice, in a very complicated world, to help as best you can, and it comes from love. And that's what Aziraphale will learn in season 3.

[mrs-stans]

Golden Globe Reactions

Jeremy Strong

It felt like much of Hollywood wouldn’t touch this film with a 10-foot pole. Were you surprised to see your name and Sebastian’s included today?

A 100-foot pole! I was incredibly surprised and gratified. I found it thrilling, especially Sebastian. You know, his work in this film is as good as any performance I’ve ever seen in a film – and I worked on “Lincoln.” I think it’s that good. For whatever reason, this moment that we’re in, of a reticence in our culture to go to places that are difficult or uncomfortable, or to touch the third rail — people just didn’t want to support this movie. It’s been a battle. Studios didn’t want to touch it. The streamers wouldn’t touch it. Even in the lead up to the election, I reached out to someone who runs one of the studios and said, “What do you think? Can we do this now that Trump has come out against the film and called us human scum?”

I think this film has a lot to say about this historical moment. I think it is capable of moving the needle, in an even infinitesimally small way. It can at least offer insight beyond a Wikipedia page or the way we get our information now. I was told, “It’s too hot.” It’s been dismaying. I was prepared for the movie to be left out of this part of the conversation, so today’s news was just really amazing. For the Globes to recognize this work, just on the grounds of its artistry, that’s been the real hard thing. Ali Abbasi is a visionary filmmaker, and he made a really fearless piece of art. I think this movie has as much in common with “Barry Lyndon” and “Boogie Nights” and “Midnight Cowboy” and “Mean Streets” and a Shakespeare play than it does with any kind of political diatribe. I think a lot of people still haven’t seen the film, because they have a preconception of what kind of film it is. It’s really not what you expect. I think it’s a very bold, an exciting film that also puts its finger on the pulse of where we are right now.

It’s certainly been talked about far more in a political light than in an artistic one. Of course, a Trump story is inherently political in this climate, but the film is really a character study.

We’ve been trying to get people to see the film. We don’t have a studio behind us. We don’t have a budget for any of these things. We can’t participate in some of these bellwether events that you have to pay to participate in. We’ve been excluded from awards things because the publications have not wanted to “support anything to do with Trump.” I feel a bit stupefied by it, because the truth is, if we’re talking about the art form of acting, this kind of stuff is the highest level of difficulty. What Sebastian did in this movie, the challenge that we both had, the size of the limb to go out on … this film exists in this moment that is difficult for people. Anthony Hopkins played Hannibal Lecter and Hitler, as well as Picasso and C.S. Lewis. For some reason, this film has been declared a no-fly zone.

It’s clear how much admiration you have for Sebastian and his work on this film. Have you spoken with him today?

We texted a bit. I’m just so happy for him. I mean, he was nominated twice today! He’s a heavyweight actor. My greatest hope is that today we’ll invite more people to see the film. If both of the lead performances are nominated for Globes, then surely it’s worth watching or just paying attention to. Maybe that will help reframe the conversation around the film, which has been slightly overlooked. If the role of storytelling is to hold a mirror up to nature, as he says in Hamlet, “to show the very age and body of the time its form and pressures,” I can’t think of something that does that more than this film. This is what we’re living through right now, and it is the past as prologue. Kai Bird wrote the “Oppenheimer” biography, and his next book is about Cohn. That alone speaks to how influential he is on this moment that we’re in. Sean Penn hosted a screening for Sebastian and I two weeks ago. Sean said, “Just wait, you’ll see, this film will have a second life.” I hope that’s the case.

[livingdoll13]

understanding catra in taking control s5: ep 6

(lots of awesome people have already said some amazing things about this, but it’s been on my mind a lot especially since i’ve been seeing some anti catra bullshit lately)

first off, i want to say that i don’t think that catra is necessarily handling the situation well, but i often see people saying some crazy shit about how she’s so “ungrateful” to adora for rescuing her or whatever and just generally being incredibly insensitive to her.

you have to remember everything that catra has gone through up until the point. horde prime had just completely violated her body and mind, electrocuting her in the baptismal pool, cutting off her hair, and infiltrating her memories. catra, who is already deeply afraid of the losing control (namely to shadow weaver, who taught her that power and control were necessary to be safe from her abuse), just lost all of her autonomy in the most fucking disturbing, pseudo-religious way possible.

before this, catra fully expected to die. i’ve seen a lot of different takes and i’m relatively open-minded to about what it is that catra thinks specifically when she remembers that scene with her and adora’s younger selves in corridors, but i think that it’s something along these lines:

“all i’ve ever done is hurt adora, and all she ever tried to do was love me instead. i’ve loved her and wanted her more than anyone else, and still all i did was hurt her. adora finally gave up on me, like i deserved all along anyway. but maybe, just maybe, the last thing i do could be for her. maybe that last little piece of goodness in me could live on in her.”

hence the:

“all i do is hurt people. there’s no one left in the entire universe who cares about me.”

anyway, my point is that catra has been through fucking hell :(

adora rescues her, and in the moment, catra is (obviously) relieved, shocked, surprised, confused, even. (“why did you come back? we both know i don’t matter.”)

the confusion is the main thing i want to focus on. catra really truly believes that adora hates her (shadow weaver has conditioned her to believe that she has always been inherently worthless and unlovable), so catra can’t understand why adora would ever come back for her.

catra eventually comes to the conclusion that adora just wanted to feel like a hero. she just came back to rescue catra to prove her virtue or her moral superiority to catra.

so she lashes out. she feels so completely out of control, and bitter with adora for her actions, convinced that there is no way that adora came back for her out of love.

adora handles this like shit. the literal first thing she does is throw the mattress onto the floor, and later slams catra into the wall. adora lashes back at catra, hurt that catra doesn’t “appreciate” adora’s love for her. adora doesn’t even try for two fucking seconds to understand where catra is coming from.

(adora does have a consistent issue with only seeming to be able to empathize with catra’s emotions when catra is weak, vulnerable, and powerless throughout much of series honestly)

ugh and calling her a stubborn brat? like i love you adora, but that makes my blood fucking boil. it is SUCH condescending, shadow weaver-coded language to use toward catra. i understand, catra is being “difficult” or whatever, but god it’s so easy to see why catra is acting the way she is.

and ofc catra is scared of entrapta! obviously, catra wronged entrapta deeply, and catra has never lived in a world with grace and forgiveness. shadow weaver physically abused her all her life, and hordak suffocated her for losing shadow weaver and lying to him about it. catra knows that she hurt entrapta, so naturally she immediately assumes that entrapta is going to fucking kill her the minute she has a chance.

then adora’s reaction is to fucking shove her into the wall and tell her to “grow up”. catra just looks fucking terrified, backed into the corner in her little horde pjs :(

adora backs off for a moment and tells catra that she would respect her wish to drop her off somewhere, catra realizes that adora really could leave her, and immediately rushes to beg adora to stay, kneeling on the ground, reaching up for her hand. something about that whole scene just absolutely fucking breaks my heart.

it kills something in me when i hear people say that catra didn’t do enough for redemption. it’s never what her redemption was ever about. catra is genuinely so, so much more complicated than that. and so is adora! i’m still sad that adora never really made up to catra for some of her shitty behavior.

i don’t believe that their arcs are meant to be done at the end of the show. there’s still so much room for them to grow. and that is what the post canon fics are for lol

oops this ended up being wayyy more of a rant than i intended; i think about catradora all the time :)

[timaeusresponds]

A buddy and I have been playing with the idea of Hal getting a Human Body post sburb and I think it would do them both good.

I also think Hal doesn’t like it at first.

It’s been a while since he had a lot of his senses. It’s also been a while since he’s had an inefficient, easily altered, foggy human brain instead of a constantly self maintaining and learning piece of code. More on the latter later but the immediate issues that come with being a person is like. Eating. Drinking. Pissing. Sleeping.

If you’ve ever had the covid taste loss, you might know the feeling of becoming totally aware of chewing. No flavor, just mashing shit up in your mouth, and all the sudden food is nasty as fuck because the process to eat it involves a nightmare sensory journey into soggy mash. Bagel and eggs? Wrong. Soggy mash. We kind of bypass the soggy mash when flavor is there. But Hal hasn’t eaten in like years. And flavor itself is this overwhelming, sensory attacking nightmare on top of *wet soggy mash in mouth.*

Not to mention all the other overwhelming facets of humanity. It’d be sensory overload for the first month, I think he’d be facing a sense of regret and this confusing “this is all I wanted, why am I not happy” as he navigates being perpetually underfed, overstimulated, and anxious. Not to mention he doesn’t necessarily have a healthy way of processing emotions, so everything just gets either filed away into a growing emotional coke and mentos bottle or gets translated into the only emotion he actually knows how to process. Anger.

There’s little things he likes !! He dyes his hair to look different than Dirk, he adorns his new body with decoration and buys ugly graphic tees and sleeps in nice blankets and slowly warms up to good drinks and nice food, but there’s STRUGGLE.

Which is what he needs. Struggle outside of his with Dirk, a sense of ‘oh, being alive isnt easy and I cant keep doing this alone’ and unfortunately his pickings for help are slim and, well, Dirk is having just as hard of a time adjusting to a populated world.

So I guess they’re roommates.

And Dirk has to remind him to eat. Remind him to sleep. Remind him to drink. Dirk has to harken with his own face making expressions he despises, because Hal sure can’t control his reactions. He has to also harken with natural human empathy. Hal is a *person* now, not a screen, so when he says or does something harmful and Hal recoils or frowns or reacts in ANY fashion there’s this innate human pull of guilt and remorse. On top of that he is not about to let Hal die, so now he’s stuck with that same human need to care for another human that is struggling, so now he’s making food that they can both eat and he’s nervous when Hal’s got a knife for chopping vegetables because, yes, ‘what if he uses it on me’ but also ‘what if he gets hurt this time.’

And that’s what HE needs, an image that looks somewhat like himself that is both more emotionally unguarded(against his will) and also needs help innately. He also needs a chance to realize that the harm hes done isn’t a fully burnt bridge, but something he has to put WORK into fixing. Hal is inherently distrustful of Dirk and for once there’s this. Nagging discomfort. “I want him to trust me” is a thought Dirk has(and then considers running into traffic over) and it’s something he has to come to terms with AND fix. For the sake of both of them sure, but also so Hal doesn’t galavant off and die because he’s stupid.

[marjoriestotch]

Okay I love asking people, so fun. Do you have any Bebe headcanons ?

I’ve compiled some of my own (even naming her Bernadette) and just taking what we see in her bedroom. I did the same Nichole too, I’m interested to see your thoughts on her character !!! Like I swear Trey and Matt seem to be allergic to writing their female characters/hj 😔

I think you’re right, though. Trey Parker and Matt Stone seem to have an unwillingness, or at least a disconnect, when it comes to women and comedy. They struggle to imagine women in comedic scenarios that come as naturally to them when writing for their male inserts. I've been thinking lately a lot about the commentary for “Eat, Pray, Queef,” where Trey reveals that the actual underlying joke of the episode is that women couldn't possibly find queefs or farts funny. The idea of women enjoying potty humor is, to him, so ridiculous that it becomes a joke in itself. I don’t think I have to explain the inherent sexism in that, do I? And I think it's still an ongoing issue in Trey Parker’s writing: when women are deliberately highlighted again in the show, it revolves around shit.

I'm sorry for rambling about this at the start instead of answering your question, but I feel it’s relevant to what I want to say about Bebe, so please bear with me. I think Trey Parker only sees his female characters as relevant protagonists when they serve a critical or politically observational purpose. They are women - and the story is about how the world reacts to that fact. (You can definitely argue this point, especially considering how many episodes feature female celebrities solely to mock them, but again, bear with me.)

The most obvious example of this is Wendy. When is she a main character in an episode that is purely comedic or satirical? Maybe once? Bebe is another example of this. In her first major episode, “Bebe’s Boobs Destroy Society,” she isn’t delivering the comedy or is the object of the joke; she simply exists, and the humor stems from everyone else’s reaction to her existence. I think that’s worth highlighting, because it implies that when Bebe features, they are trying to say something.

To me, Bebe is an incredibly smart, charismatic, and sociable girl who’s burdened by the insecurity of how people perceive her as a beautiful blonde girl in a small American town, desired by all the boys in her class. I think that episode is a good starting point. Beyond the discussion we could have about her sexualization and objectification as a growing girl, what stands out to me is how it marks the beginning of Bebe’s deep concern over the perception of her as a person versus the objective reality. We see this again in her later appearance in “The List.”

I find it interesting that while Wendy is the student body president, Bebe shows no interest in that kind of position, even though she acts as a leader in the girl’s social society. She doesn’t care about authority or institutional power - she wants control over how she's perceived. Bebe is more concerned with the social hierarchy within her peer group and aims to be at the top of that pyramid. She wants shoes, Clyde can get her nice shoes, but dating Clyde could jeopardize her social standing because he's considered a social pariah. So, Bebe manipulates the situation to inflate his popularity just enough to maintain her own.

There’s an argument to be made that this makes her shallow - and perhaps she is, perhaps that’s part of what she struggles with. But I’d counter that if all Bebe wanted was luxury, she could’ve pursued Tolkien, who’s considered one of the cutest boys in their class. So…why Clyde? I think it’s because she actually liked him but couldn’t admit it, not even to herself. Because perfect blonde girls are supposed to like perfect boys, and Clyde is far from that. Instead of being open about it and unashamed, she tries to hide her shame.

Speaking of Clyde and her relationship with him, I think it’s safe to say that since they've presumably been together since “The List,” Bebe is actually quite monogamous, almost traditionally so. She’s clearly a romantic, and I imagine her fantasy is to marry her first boyfriend right after highschool, as so many Americana romance stories go. I’m not at all against fanon interpretations of Bebe being more promiscuous, having her experiment, explore, and be more sexually liberated. There’s room for that, especially considering her bold attraction to Kyle (with the joke being that a woman couldn’t possibly take on the role of pursuer in courtship but rather that they should be the pursued). But personally, I find it more interesting to imagine a fanon within the fanon: that Bebe is struggling with how others perceive her as a promiscuous, seductive vixen, which clashes with who she actually is: an awkward girl who's been in a long-term relationship for years.

I imagine that all these compounding internal struggles could predictably eventually overwhelm Bebe and push her to an extreme. All of her frustration bubbling over into violence. Bebe is no stranger to violence; she carries a gun! We see her snap and beat the hell out of Butters in “Worldwide Privacy Tour.” I don’t think Bebe goes around beating up anyone she disagrees with, but I do think she can be pushed to emotional extremes that others might not reach. She clearly has a fierce temper and she’s physically intimidating, which I think is a delightful contrast to her otherwise extremely feminine image.

As for what headcanons I have for Bebe…

What do we know about Bebe? One scene that comes to mind is when she's swoonfully telling Stan a way to win back Wendy's favor is to play a Peter Gabriel song. That leads me to believe Bebe loooves that kind of 80s contemporary pop; Peter Gabriel, Phil Collins (hehe), The Police, Talking Heads, Rush, Elton John, etc. She just loves fun pop music she can dance to, taking her back into a time where it was simpler and sillier.

Bebe clearly loves fashion and makeup, and I imagine it to be quite a fixation for her. She collects fashion magazines, follows beauty YouTubers and all their drama, and always begs her parents for that season’s coveted makeup collection. Her temper leads her into making anonymous accounts to argue over specific categories of fashion styles and makeup trends. She's incredibly passionate about the history and integrity of fashion.

Adding onto that, I like to imagine she loves taking Polaroids of her makeup and outfits and keeps it in a scrapbook so she could plan out her looks better. She’s very particular about her appearance, and I imagine it does upset her if she doesn't get a compliment for all her effort, though she would rationalize that she is just so effortlessly beautiful.

I do think Bebe gravitates toward being Wendy's friend not only because Wendy is so outspoken, but when Wendy does speak, she's eloquent. I like to think Bebe being so concerned over her image makes her worried about what she says and when she says it, probably regretting whenever she voices her more abrasive opinions. But Wendy agrees with her more often than not, and it's reassuring to have someone on her side that can express it well. I also just think it makes it more interesting when she does feel she can be open and blunt with how she feels.

We have seen Bebe abuses drugs, both at her party and also during the cough syrup craze of the elementary school, so while I don't think Bebe drinks or smokes tobacco, maybe she likes to smoke some Tegridy/Credigree she buys off of either Tolkien or Stan to just relieve the stress of her daily life.

Speaking of Stan, I think Bebe heavily dislikes him. Besides the tenuous relationship with Wendy, her best friend, Bebe has dared Stan to do some painful shit, and is incredibly irritated with him during the egg project, and so I think it's reasonable for her to hold a small grudge against him if his relationship with Wendy continues. On this point, I think Bebe gives generally bad boy advice. She can't convince Wendy to permanently leave Stan, she was among the girls to drive Heidi to go back to Cartman out of embarassment, and, well, she is still with Clyde. Again, quite monogamous. (Kind of interesting that most of the women Parker and Stone write stay with their men out of stubbornness. Hm.)

Bebe’s father wears glasses, so I wonder if Bebe would also inherit his poor eyesight, but she refuses to wear glasses out of embarrassment.

Given that Bebe owns a gun and most of her roleplaying characters involve handheld shooting, I imagine her in total glam going down to the shooting range once in a while to also take out her frustration. I imagine her father taught her to shoot - mainly for her safety, but I imagine he wanted a boy but kept activities like going out hunting alive with Bebe nonetheless

I know that canonically Bebe grows up to be a beauty consultant, but my impression of her adult outfit was that of a flight attendant, and I just can't shake that idea. I imagine her being a stewardess that gets to travel the world and meet all kinds of people, but still tired at the end of the day and taking off her heels and earrings and laying on the couch to watch her favorite comedy talk show…

Bebe has a white cat named Thumper!! So naturally she is quite the cat person, and I imagine she was a big fan of Bambi growing up as well as the Aristocats, internally, subconsciously wanting to grow up to be a Duchess.

I guess I should say what ships I have for her like I did for Shelly, but it's honestly really just Jimbe, lol, though I do have a soft spot for Bendy, and as much as I clown on them, Clyde/Bebe isn't terrible either. But I'll always be a Jimbe girl first…

[leohtttbriar]

i don't disagree that the snw plot idea of "turn non-vulcans into vulcans" resulting in those non-vulcans speaking monotone and ""logically"" is, on an immediate read without the full context of the full episode narrative, silly and maybe not very thoughtful. but i think part of the reaction against that idea comes from a habit of people reading star trek and star trek aliens on a purely representative level; and, related to that, the reaction also partly comes from a reluctance to read the "logic" aspect of vulcans sincerely. in fan spaces, i've noticed, "vulcan logic" is always a metaphor and always a pretense--something more akin to prayer and religion than a more material way of interacting with the world.

obviously there are metaphorical aspects to the aliens created for the star trek world and stories. i'd say the vast majority of alien depiction on star trek is meant to be allegorical. so it's a sound response to see the "drink vulcan juice and speak all logical" plot element as a misunderstanding of culture to the point of ignorance, since aliens in star trek, through whatever narrative position, largely represent variations in human culture interacting with each other. and, like, they can't really be more than representative of what we know of culture since we have yet to meet an actual alien in reality. the fact that most star trek aliens are humans with some sort of makeup on their nose or forehead to indicate "not from earth" only reinforces this interpretive entry point. additionally, anyone with any proper understanding of human culture is going to rationally react against anything that implies a bio-essentialist culture/intelligence. being "close to nature" or "mind dictated by the body" is typically the first way any human being or culture has been dehumanized since the beginning of human civilization.

but i think sticking solely to this read, to thinking of star trek aliens only as different cultures instead of also different biological beings, can elide some of the more interesting aspects of alien-species speculation as well as ignore all the ways that human beings are bodies and how that's not an inherently degrading truth. our cultures are largely sourced in material realities of our bodies. they don't arise from the abstract. and yes, i'm definitely aware that star trek itself doesn't do much to speculate on the planet-histories implied in the biological realities of aliens, but maybe this particular snw plot is doing a little bit of that work, in the smallest of ways.

so, a good-faith attempt to interpret what snw is implying about the "drinking the become-a-vulcan potion makes non vulcans speak like vulcans and use logic" plot:

if becoming a vulcan means, without training or prompting, automatically labeling things logical or illogical then that labeling things logical or illogical is encoded in the vulcan body, somehow, so

to allow for this, there's two parts: a) a biological mechanism for interpreting what is or isn't logical and b) "logical" means something more specific than what we mean by "logical"

exploring part a): this seems like a very silly thing to build into the biology of a made-up alien and also sort of goes against a lot of established vulcan-ness in star trek canon. but, imagine: rather than say vulcans have deep "emotions", let's say that they instead of have deep "sensations". and maybe there's just been some confusion of translation for a hundred years over this distinction. vulcans in canon are telepathic through their hands and have a lot of control over pain reception. control over more unconscious aspects of their nervous system means that maybe these aren't really unconscious aspects at all--they can control because large parts of their nervous systems are voluntary. like, whales have a voluntary breath mechanism, unlike us whose brains force us to breathe without us deciding to. for vulcans, they could have a less expansive autonomic nervous system--or maybe the distinguishing in their nervous systems is more complicated than our somatic/autonomic divide.

so a greater breadth of conscious sensation leads to a greater ability to control that sensation. this control could be something that is simply a part of how their bodies evolved, which you can then apply to the fact that, in canon, vulcans used to be violent and colonizing until they embraced logic. maybe "logic" is a control over sensation, here. as in--it's the natural interpretive experience of having a vulcan mind. their brains evolved to order the endless amounts of information in a different way than a humans: we ignore a lot of the information that's coming in, consciously, and our brain regulates all this without us having to put conscious effort towards it; for vulcans, maybe they didn't evolve to ignore it but evolved to order it in a logical way.

it's not ridiculous to think that a brain would do this since our brains sort of do this. depth perception comes from our brain calculating based on two different images from two different eyes. we fill in gaps unaware that we're doing so, reading or puzzling or anything. if we can speculate that vulcans do this with complete awareness than their sense of the world naturally comes through pathways of step-by-step calculations. thus, thinking necessitates logic. and if this biology is given to people who already have training in abstract rational thinking, like the snw characters, and have exposure to language, they would be able to experience what it is to naturally live in a body that naturally interprets the world through logic. whether or not it's sound or valid logic is then the product of education and language-acquisition for vulcans (and therefore anyone randomly turned into one).

for part b): i personally have to imagine this is canon every time i watch star trek because star trek writers aren't very good at writing logic. sometimes it makes sense (janeway saying "logic can be used to justify anything") and sometimes it's just a vulcan saying "that's not logical" to something that definitely has a logic which just makes the vulcan sound bitchy. which, that's fine. but as someone who thinks rational thinking is the best thing ever, this annoys me. so i've basically come up with this idea to get me through these moments that "logical" sometimes means something very very specific. sometimes when a vulcan says "that's not logical" logical means what we think it means: a conclusion soundly following from sound premises. and other times when a vulcan says "that's not logical" they mean it doesn't follow from a specific philosophical "logical" that is based largely in logical principles but is also based in principles of cultural and ethical value. so like, they're vegetarian, i think: the logic there could be to cause no harm to sentient creatures. but the ethic of "cause no harm" isn't inherently rational. that logic had to be argued and decided based on principles that had to be argued and decided. and those underlying principles are sometimes the source of a vulcan character deciding something is logical or illogical.

so, since i don't expect network tv show characters to speak in syllogisms as the vulcan-alien-conceit implies to someone who cares about that stuff (me), i just decided on my lonesome and for fic writing purposes that this distinction is case dependent, distinguished in writing by capitalization. "logical" is traditional understanding of logical, and "Logical" is in what ive called the Temporal case--and words that are declined in this case refer to abstract principles that aren't immediately sourced in material fact.

"logic" is the sensory mechanism vulcans can be born with; "Logic" is the abstract practice that is taught. and they're related but not the same.

with those two parts of this good-faith interpretation in which i do quite a lot of imaginative and world-building work for this silly tv show, the "joke" of the humans acting vulcan can be a little more interesting and make a little more sense.

[brw]

Do you think Carol Danvers is an industry plant?

I'll be honest I kind of don't believe in industry plants as a whole, just because I think it's kind of silly, but I'm assuming you don't mean in the literal sense of "musician or artist with corporate backing but isn't upfront about it", but instead on her being pushed less because of demand and more because of corporate mandates.

And yeah, that's definitely true. Carol became Captain Marvel in 2012, and it's not a mistake that that year is also the origin of what many people call the fourth wave of feminism, which also gave rise to an increasingly aggressive "Anti-SJW" culture and incel culture online in reaction to this new feminist movement that focused more on body shaming and body positivity than previous waves. It definitely feels like Marvel was trying to capture some of that energy and momentum with Carol, while also probably feeling a little self conscious for the past decade of her showing her ass with Frank Cho and Greg Horn covers every month.

It does make sense; Carol's character was conceptualised as a means of capturing the feminist movement of the 70s, so she's always been very tied in with feminist movements and the culture surrounding those movements, which has always informed how she has been depicted and designed. In the 70s, a woman owning her sexuality while also being brazen and physical and fighting with her fists was thought of as more empowering, while in 2012 being more covered and in a position of power and leadership was instead the emphasis. Neither of these positions or lines of thought are wrong, they just speak to different era's priorities shaped by the culture around them.

But it is also that Marvel seemed to become increasingly aware that they lacked a strong female character in their main line up of solo title characters the way DC had Wonder Woman. And with the MCU completely erasing Janet, doing that to Wanda, and making Natasha very much so a b role in other characters' stories, I think there was a growing anxiety that they needed to fill this vacuum with someone, and Carol, who had enjoyed a lot of prominence in the 2000s as an Avengers mainstay, who didn't have the baggage that Janet had and hadn't been ruined by comics and films alike like Wanda was at that time in her history, who already had this legacy of feminism as a core part of her conceptualisation, was the natural choice.

But it has also always come across as kind of... odd. It's always going to stick in some people's mouths, because Carol was not the first woman to hold the Captain Marvel title. Probably other than Mar'Vell himself, she is the most conventional, least challenging person to hold that mantle. Monica Rambeau as the second person ever to hold the title, being a black woman and the first black person period to lead the Avengers, has had that history largely underplayed and ignored (and I don't necessarily think she should "take back" Captain Marvel or anything, but she was the first person to make that title a legacy and it's weird how that has been downplayed to suit Carol's narrative by Marvel). Genis-Vell was interesting as a clearly unstable, mentally ill man holding this power and this legacy, later becoming a villain because of his struggles with his mental health and powers and how they interacted. Phyla-Vell and Noh-Varr are both queer, lesbian and bisexual respectively. Like Carol is probably the least diverse person to hold the Captain Marvel mantle after Mar-Vell, so it was always a little odd how much Carol's marketing and depiction acted as if she was this great figurehead for women with superpowers, who is a massive inspiration by virtue of being Captain Marvel, a woman who leads the Avengers, when Monica did that in the 80s!

But anyway. I don't really think Carol is an "industry plant" in, well, any context, because by virtue of being published by Marvel Comics, every character is an industry plant. They are an inherently money-minded, capitalist entity. Every character is going to be thought of in part by how they sell. If publishing this character or this story will bring in money, or not. That's just big publishers as a whole. Carol's history and trajectory into Captain Marvel, while interesting and representative of a larger cultural movement, is definitely not the first instance of this, and really isn't anything new to big two comics and how they react to things.

[dearweirdme]

“Jkkrs insert moments of sexual attraction into moments between two friends.”

Let me just say this: I believe there’s no smoke without fire as something always has to spark something else. I don’t think the moments of sexual attraction are imagined solely by Jikookers, but by a large portion of the fandom, even those who aren’t shippers. And there’s a reason for that.

It’s easy to attribute sexual attraction to Jikook’s moments because there’s something inherently homoerotic about their interactions. When you watch some of the things Jikook do together, it’s not difficult to perceive them in a certain way. On the other hand, when you observe Taekook, it’s clear they genuinely love and care for each other, but it’s not as easy to project sexual attraction onto them because they don’t engage in anything that would naturally lead fans to think in that direction. Jikook, however, does, both in what they do and what they say.

It’s strange to me that you say Jikook have boundaries ( I mean they must have some but not in the way you explain) because that’s not something I’ve ever seen, unless perhaps I don’t fully understand the boundaries you’re referring to. Take the AYS moment, for example: when Jungkook joined Jimin in bed, snuggled into his crotch, slapped his ass, cuddled with him for a bit, and then slapped his ass again before leaving. There are plenty of moments where we’ve seen Taekook and other members cuddling, but none of them feel as homoerotic as what Jikook did…not to me at least.

Another moment that comes to mind is when the members were performing on stage, and Jimin got down on his knees, looked Jungkook straight in the eye, and stuck out his tongue in a very seductive way. Before you say it was fanservice because they were on stage, i don’t think it was because you can see him catch himself moments later. Then there are moments like Jungkook sticking his hands up Jimin’s shirt and caressing his bare skin and doing it so naturally and with no reaction from Jimin that it feels like they do stuff like that a lot, or the time Jungkook looked utterly disgusted at the thought of Jin licking his hand but was perfectly fine licking Jimin’s palms. All these are thought provoking if we are being honest.

Even the hickey gate situation you referenced, it’s not just about whether or not it was actually a hickey, but the very idea of how they might have ended up in that position to begin with. Two guys drinking together at night, getting tipsy, one carrying the other bridal-style and spinning him around, and the only way to get him to stop is by biting one of the most erogenous parts of his body long enough to leave a bruise? If it was a boy and girl who did this how many people would immediately imagine something very explicit?

When you hear about or see the things Jikook do together, it’s not hard to understand why people might easily attribute or perceive sexual attraction in their interactions. It’s not so much that fans are inventing or projecting things that don’t exist but rather reacting to the energy that Jikook themselves project. This is why so much of the fandom tends to sexualize their interactions as it feels like a natural extension of what they’re already giving off. There was a whole lot of sexualizing going on during AYS and there is not a single pair from BTS that this fandom does the same to. I’m sure you weren’t here when the hickey thing happened, it shook the fandom to its core. Everyone cannot be projecting onto them, it is clear to me that there is some smoke that is sparking the fire and that smoke is the way Jikook actually interact sometimes the same way you can tell Taekook love each other because of how you see them show that love to each other. You aren’t just making things up but instead working off what they themselves are showing.

As much as Jk solos and Jimin solos hate each other, even Jk solos, especially Korean ones actually fear the possibility of something because how else do you explain them sending letters and writing petitions to the ministry of defence asking them to separate Jikook in the military because Jimin might turn Jungkook gay? This isn’t a worry they would have if they didn’t percieve that same homoerotic energy many people in the fandom percieve. I don’t necessarily think Jikook are more than friends but I do think there is some homoerotic energy (a lot of it) in their interactions which is what Jikookers and other fans who sexualize or read sexual undertones from their interactions bounce off of.

Hi anon!

Ask yourself this: Do you think it possible for Jk and Jm to do something like platonic playfight without people sexuaizing them?

I know the anwer, and it's a definite no. It has beome impossible for these two to do anything close without a certain portion of fandom stripping them of their personalities and inserting sexual behavior. I feel your ask is quite examplary of that, and I have been feeling very uncomfortable while reading the way you think about this.

You are basically exusing sexualization and objectivication of Jk and Jm by placing the blame on them. That's getting awfully close to victimblaming imo. Fandom perception, no matter how big a part you feel thinks this, is by no means a representation of reality. What things would that have us believe? There are people who perceive hate between members and see them act accordantly. There are people who thing all friendships are fake. There are people who think Jm is weak. There are people who think Jk is cold and rude. There are people who think Tae is an attention seeker. All of those groups of people perceive actions taken by members.. but none of it is real. To you, Jm and Jk's actions are homoerotic. To me it's not. And if we are to take into account the larger part of army... most will actually tell you that they do not actually feel there's truth to it. Most of army still aren't Jkkrs. They will find the sexual jokes hilarious, but not serious.

The difference between Tkk and Jkk is that the company allows for and encourages fans to keep believing in one of those two ships. AYS was another example of that. Jkkrs feel justified by the 'support' (though it's actually a moneygrab) of the company. They feel justified in making up sexual stories, because they feel the company actually allows Jkk to be open. Jkkrs believ AYS was meant as some sort of honeymoon/romantic getaway between Jm and Jk. Even before it aired, they were making up romantic stories. Search my blog, you will find the evidence... or rather.. search their blogs and see how many times they insert (because they absolutely do) sexual encounters whenever Jk and Jm are in bed (while Jm is crazy sick even), or when they aren't visible for a moment. When Jk looked at Jm when he got out of the pool and Jm layed on the floor we got whole omegaverse type of stories... from Jk just trying to figure out if he should wake Jm up! Tae's Osaka live didn't even feature Jm and yet Jkkrs say he was hidden in the bathroom... because Jk was wearing a robe... so it must've been because him and Jm were having sex. They do that all.. the .. damn... time. They are unable to see Jm and Jk for who they actually are. They have made these men into their favorite fanfic characters. With Jm always being the dainty, feminine, victim type, and Jk the mascular, alpha male. It's objectification, and it should not be excused.

I've often mentioned that I feel both Jk and Jm enjoy flirty banter and sexual allusions. It's fun for them. That is not the same as them given fans as reason to make up sexual situations between them though. Just because at times there's a vibe between them (and yes, they do have a fun flirty chemistry) doesn't mean you are supposed to see all their interactions as sexual. I mean, where is your objectivity? These are two highly professional men. Does it really make sense to you that they would constantly (because that is what Jkkrs make it seem) engage in sexual interactions and allusions... while on screen?

By all means enjoy the times they actually engage in flirty banter. By all means enjoy their hotness. But when it comes to a point when you can't see them interact normally without your thoughts going into sexual territory you are absolutely too far gone (not necessarilly pointe at you anon... I'm feeling ranty).

I don't think it's homoerotic. Maybe my experience with boy/male friendships is different from yours, but to me Jk and Jm are friends who enjoy banter. Are they close, absolutely.. but their flirty interactions are mostly based in humor and not in actual attraction. The boundaries I speak of in comparison to Tae and Jk is that between Tae and Jk there's an ongoing acceptance of them being in each others spaces. While Jm and Jk do get very close and intimate, it's a temporary agreement of widening those boudaries. They aren't as close and relaxed inbetween those moments.

I feel as though I have left a lot unsaid here, because it's a topic that touches on a lot of different things probably.

[blushedfemmes]

young 21yo lesbian (??) here, wondering about stone identities. i spent most of my teenage years thinking i was a bottom, but as i get experience, im realizing that i lean heavily top. im actually incredibly uncomfortable with bottoming, but i cant tell if it's an anxiety thing or an actual preference. in fantasy, i may bottom, but even those fantasies tend to be cnc in nature—as if the only way i want to bottom is to be forced. if im imagining myself with an actual person, im ALWAYS topping. i dont really want Anyone to touch me, although the one time i allowed someone to go down on me, it was really nice except the performance anxiety. it just feels embarrassing and i don't like the feeling of being at someone else's mercy.

my question is, how can i tell if it's a true preference or just anxiety? objectively i can realize it doesn't matter, and the best way to find out is practice, but ah. do you have advice to help me figure it out?

sorry if this is weird or oversteppy, you just seem knowledgeable 😭

my take on stone identities is that they are functional above all else. their purpose is to help you feel more secure about what you want in real life with another flesh-and-blood person in bed, and to communicate that. fantasy does not enter into it. and what you want may change over time, and that’s okay! if it’s helpful to you to use the stone top label, and this makes you feel safe and empowered and happy in your sexual encounters, then do it.

that being said, and more to your actual question: i do think the vulnerability of bottoming is real, and not talked about enough. contrary to what many people believe (subconsciously even), bottoming is a skill that requires a lot of mental presence. to me, it’s almost meditative. being a good bottom means that you are fully grounded in your body and in your pleasure, and this takes a lot of self-work and attention!!! bottoming is not being at someone else’s mercy. you are always in control of what happens to you. even if you are subbing. (especially then!!) you are always in control of your own body and what you do with it, and what someone else does to it.

i think the weird patriarchal nonsense re: bottoming being an inherently weak, lesser, embarrassing act has a much bigger impact on all our brains than anyone wants to admit, even us queer enlightened kinky people. it’s hard to undo this. and bottom or not, it can be really hard to get comfy with your own pleasure, especially if you had a repressed, sex-negative upbringing (like i did)

so i guess to answer your question, the best way to find out what you genuinely prefer is to get comfortable with your own pleasure. it belongs to you and there is nothing embarrassing in it. ever. and getting comfortable with your pleasure doesn’t mean you have to do anything, or let someone touch you, or even touch yourself!! it means confronting those feelings of embarrassment and shame and being like “hm. where did you come from.” it means getting curious about your gut reactions. it means letting your horny thoughts take you wherever and reward your explorations with self-reassurance rather than shutting it down. it also means getting okay with the fact that if you are having sex, your pleasure is involved, even if it’s the purely mental pleasure of a stone top. because if i can be so honest for a sec, being topped by someone who doesn’t have a strong connection to their own pleasure, or finds shame in their pleasure, is a difficult experience. it ends up being more effort on my part as a bottom to connect with them and enjoy myself. super long answer but as befits a complex question, hope some of that resonated and sending love!!

[totallynormalinthemorgue]

I don't think death should be taboo. It's a natural part of the life cycle of all things. It can be sad, yes, but not everyone sees it that way or obsesses over the negative aspects. There's no wrong way to think about it, it's just a thing that happens. There's nothing inherently special about a corpse. Of course, the decedent's wishes should be respected because people have different beliefs about what happens after death. If someone believes they'll be watching from above and they wouldn't like necrophilic acts done to their body, then it would be unethical to do that. If someone consents to it before death, then there's nothing wrong with it. The negative reaction people have to necrophilia is an emotional one, shaped by cultural taboos. Basically, they've been taught to find necrophilia disgusting, and they're confusing disgust with morality. As you know, you shouldn't impose your disgust on other people's choices that harm no one and don't involve you, especially not while treating it like an obvious moral fact. I don't want to engage in any false-equivilancy, but please think about the opinions you have on people who do that on other topics, and whether there's anything genuinely different about necrophilia that can't be solved by a consensual agreement beforehand.

You're allowed to find it personally disgusting. You don't need to justify it morally or harass others about it.

Secondary to this, I hope people who harass and report necrophiles also consider that, even if you can not and will not believe that necrophilia as an act is okay, a lot of necrophiles haven't committed necrophilia. In my experience on here, the vast, vast majority haven't, even while talking in DMs to me, someone who is openly accepting about people's choices in that regard. So what you're policing is fantasy. It's a discussion of desires that society deems wrong. It's funny how that's totally okay for most kink. In fact, censorship of that is wrong, but for necrophilia, censorship is the good and moral thing to do. You can understand that people don't choose what they're attracted to when it comes to queerness and kink, you can understand that thought crimes aren't real when you're talking to someone with OCD (unless, of course, it's P-OCD), but somehow, none of that applies to necrophilia and other paraphilias. We should be able to stop finding corpses hot, we should be able to control our thoughts, we should never discuss the topic or express ourselves in our own community. We don't spam unrelated tags. We don't shove it in your faces. You're seeing it because you either looked in our tags, someone you follow reblogged a post about it, or tumblr's recommendation algorithm is wonky as hell.

Just block. Block the tags and block users when you happen to see posts about it. It's not your problem.

Most of us don't have the luxury of being open about it in person. People get tired of hiding. I'm not expecting the internet to suddenly be free of harassment, but if I could persuade even one person to be more open minded, or at least to hit the block button instead of sending hate or reporting, it would be progress.

[creature-wizard]

Hello! I hope it’s not a bother (also really like your blog!!) I would appreciate if you could help me out:)

I’ve heard that there’s multiple gay couples and there’s mentions of being not cis within the bible within the cultural context is that just a modern misinterpretation?

2nd and last question— when people who take psychedelics and experience spiritual/ out of body experiences is that just drug induced psychosis or is it possible that it could be spiritual in nature? My partner had a recently bad reaction to a gummy and said that he experienced what it was like to die and he understood a lot more. What’s your thoughts on that?

For your first question, I'm going to recommend this article:

Now, to address your second question. First, substance-induced psychosis is not the same thing as simply experiencing effects from taking a psychoactive substance. It sounds like your friend experienced what would commonly be referred to as a bad trip.

From everything I've personally gathered about psychoactive substances where it pertains to spirituality, such experiences don't seem to be any more or any less reliable than near-death experiences, hypnotic trances, astral projection, etc; and everything I can find on these phenomena suggests to me that these experiences are generated primarily (if not wholly) within the minds of the people experiencing them. I feel like it's important to note here that these experiences can be extremely profound and transformative, but they overall do appear to be subjective.

I also wouldn't say that their subjectivity makes them inherently non-spiritual, since what the spirit is and what the implications of its existence are (should you reckon that it exists) is also extremely subjective. I just think that it means that we can't trust any mystical experience to give us much in the way of objective ontological insight.

[sophieinwonderland]

your theory about proxy bypassing as it currently stands seems to anthropomorphize brain functions, which is to say it is lacking a lot of steps and explanation.

Anthropomorphize? The human brain?

Isn't the human brain inherently anthropomorphic? 🤔

But I think I get your meaning. I'm explaining in a way that makes subconscious processes sound more conscious than they are in the same way someone might describe natural selection as creatures "deciding" to grow wings or better brains or opposable thumbs. It's obviously a simplification.

I'm not a neurologist. And even if I was, I'm not sure how much insight could be drawn from our current understanding of the brain.

What we do know for certain is that plurality exists. And in these groups of plurals, there's an incredibly common phenomenon where when a headamate is fronting and starts acting for the non-fronting headmate, the fronter commonly sort of goes blank while the nonfronter gains more control, even if it feels like the fronter is still in front.

The existence of this phenomenon is without question.

So the question we're left with is why this happens?

I personally believe it has to do with keeping the organism running efficiently and cutting out the middleman, because typing would be much slower if everything you want to type has to be told to the fronter.

...

But actually, since you bring it up, there's another interesting thing about all of this that's been on my mind

Whatever mechanisms cause proxy bypassing... they didn't evolve for writing. Aside from proxying for headmates not really having much benefit at an evolutionary level, the oldest written language is only about 3000 years old.

So it's not like humans evolved specifically to let headmates write for themselves.

So the reasons we evolved in a way for proxy bypassing to work is a mystery.

If I were to speculate, I might suggest that proxy bypassing also could work for other automatic responses. Perhaps in the distant past, our ancestors relied on a sort of "combat bypassing" with more combat-oriented headmates being able to control the body during battle without actually taking front.

In that case, maybe a full switch would be too disorienting, but trying to tell the fronter what to do would cost too much reaction time in a life-or-death situation.

Allowing the combat-headmate to control their actions quicker than the fronter could react if simply relaying advice could be a survival trait.

But this is all just speculative.

We sadly don't have any way of knowing what plurality was like or how it may have manifested in hunter-gatherer cultures millennia before the first written language.

And another possibility is that this mechanism isn't even for headmates, and is more for other types of non-sentient "parts" influencing the body's actions; and we're just sort of piggy-backing off of those mechanisms.

[thenightfolknetwork]

Hi, we are several hundred rats. More accurately, I am a rat, writing on behalf of my several hundred friends, who are also rats.

It's pretty good, being rats, certainly compared to all the nonsense sapios and other bipeds have to deal with. Like knees, and dentist appointments. Recently, though, we've run into a problem. It's very common for sapios to mistake us for a multi-coporeal entity or a collective intelligence or something of that nature. You know, quote-unquote hive minds. Ignoring the fact that most hives don't actually work like that and the way that the common vernacular exposes the inherent sapionormative biases of the modern social system, it usually isn't a problem. One of us corrects them, the human reacts however they react, no big deal. Their reactions are on them, not our problem.

I'm being asked to add that it's a little sad that the humans don't have the close social bonds that could be mistaken for that kind of thing. So now I have. And now they're discussing whether it's sad or just the nature of the human condition. I'm going to keep writing while they're not trying to co-author this letter.

Well, about three years ago, a colony of cerebrachnids moved in next door with their host body. We don't need to tell you, of course, that brain spiders are actually a collective intelligence. Almost all of us have been of great terms with them since day one. It's nice having someone around who can sympathize with how sapios view us. Rats and spiders, right?

Turns out that they've thought we were some sort of multi-coporeal entity this whole time. It came up last week when some of us were visiting for tea. They've thought for years that we were some manner of genus similar to them, and have just been too polite to ask what we are. I, the rat doing the typing, wasn't there, but the ones who were there all agree that our neighbor got a little weird about it, and they're a lot less overtly friendly since then.

We can't agree if they're feeling awkward, or if they're maybe reevaluating the whole friendship in the light of how we have less in common with them than they thought.

Any advice? Do we just pretend it didn't happen and go on like normal?

Thank you for getting touch, reader – or should I say, readers? I'm extremely heartened to hear how healthy your collective attitudes are to the misconceptions people have about multi-corporeal entities and collective intelligences. I'm also pleased that you recognise your own boundaries in managing other people's expectations and reactions to your lived reality.

That said, I don't think there's any risk of your overstepping those boundaries by reaching out to this neighbour and clearing the air about their misconception. I understand you don't want to take on more than your share of the emotional work. But frankly, simply being aware of that as a potential issue is generally enough to stop it from happening.

There might be any number of reasons for your neighbours' sudden standoffishness. They might be embarrassed by their mistake, or feeling foolish for misunderstanding your nature. Or they might be disappointed at the loss of what they assumed was a friendship built on commonality of experience. The fact is, you won't know until you talk to them.

Invite them over for tea and let them know how much you've missed them. Emphasise how much you all value your relationship with them, and that you're keen that this misunderstanding should be set aside.

I would also take the time to stress how much you do have in common, despite these differences. You may not share the same kind of consciousness as them, but there has been enough shared between you to sustain years of friendship – not only shared interests and talking points, but also deeper commonalities around how sapios treat your genuses.

I don't think anything will be gained by making them feel shamed or punished, especially if they were acting out of nothing more malicious than embarrassment. Give them a little grace, and take the time to clear the air between you properly. Then, with any luck, you'll all be able to shrug this moment off as nothing but an awkward bump in the otherwise smooth road of friendship.

[For more creaturely advice, check out Monstrous Agonies on your podcast platform of choice, or visit monstrousproductions.org for more info]

[usafphantom2]

#TomcatTails Number 21

#TomcatTuesday

“You can earn a year’s worth of flight pay in one night at the boat.”

I think most Naval Aviators have said at one point (or maybe more) words to this effect: “This job is so cool, I can’t believe they’re paying me!” A 1v1 on a clear, blue-sky day that goes your way. A rock-and-roll low level to bomb where your weapon fuses within 3 seconds of the required time on target (TOT). A day-di*k-around off the boat to an OK 3-wire on return. Those were great and heady times in the mighty Big Fighter and much fun was had by all.

They even paid us extra for the pleasure. We called it “flight pay” but the actual term was ACIP or Aviation Career Incentive Pay. Naturally, the Navy spent a LOT of money teaching us to fly and to preserve that investment the Navy offered ACIP as well as the occasional bonus to stay in past certain career milestones. The bonuses varied according to the airlines hiring rates; if they were hiring hard, the bonuses came in. This is no different than other services and even extended to some of the more crucial Enlisted rates with reenlistment bonuses in the 10s of thousands of dollars. It makes good business sense to try and keep your people in since they cost so much to train.

We can debate the efficacy of these programs all day. Some argue that they don’t really retain people, some will say they’ll influence the “fence sitters” to take a bonus and stay. And if you were a “fence sitter” that wasn’t sure and the Navy offered you a $40-$50K bonus to stay in and you took it, you weren’t “sitting on the fence”, you were “chained to the fence” for 6 more years. Funny, huh?

But all those things only mean something in day/VFR flying. If you deploy aboard the ship, turn out the lights (night), blot out the moon & stars with clouds, make that flight deck pitch up and down and then lose your critical attitude/angle-of-bank displays, that calculus changes significantly. Now there’s not enough gold in Fort Knox to make flying worth it. Not by a long shot.

The old saying goes that you make your flight pay during one flight per year. It might be a bad night at the boat. It might be a scary weak catapult shot. It might be a near mid-air. But they all have the same thing in common; that feeling in your gut that “this is bad.” You know that feeling you get in your lower body, your groin or loins or like deep in your belly when a cop lights you up when he’s behind you? That sinking/queasy/weird visceral reaction to those blue and red lights? In carrier aviation, this has long been described as a “shot of cold piss to the heart” or a “cold shot of piss to the heart”. Either way you say it, it’s accurate and the key difference is that it isn’t just momentary like when the cop’s behind you; it lasts a while until you can get your head straight and compartmentalize everything going on around you where it needs to be so you can function, so you can operate your jet despite all the problems.

Compartmentalizing is how aviators cope with all kinds of things going on in our head. Problems at home? There’s a compartment for that. Career worries? There’s a compartment for that. Kid is sick? There’s a compartment for that. There are enough compartments for all the issues you have in your head, and anything not directly involved in aviating, navigating, or communicating needs to be in its compartment. That’s really important on even the most routine flight. Remember that famous quote I posted on several occasions? This one:

“Aviation in itself is not inherently dangerous. But to an even greater degree than the sea, it is terribly unforgiving of any carelessness, incapacity, or neglect.”

If anything you’ve stuffed in compartments comes out in flight, especially during an emergency or challenging conditions, it (and any others) will contribute directly to carelessness, incapacity, or neglect. To put it bluntly (profanity warning): Shit can go wrong in a matter of seconds when you’re on the edge; pay fucking attention.

The other element on this wonderful, magical, fantastic flight on which you’re earning a year’s flight pay is a VERY strong confidence in your abilities. To the casual observer, this can sometimes come across as bravado or arrogance. After all, “it ain’t bragging if you can do it” right? But that high level of confidence is more often than not backed up by training and experience. It is by no means meant to imply recklessness nor unearned boldness. “There are old pilots and there are bold pilots, but there are no old, bold pilots” is also a saying.

Part of that confidence is also a willingness to explore those edges of your personal envelope, your comfort zone with the jet. If you stay in the middle of your envelope (level flight, 1 G) you’ll never be especially lethal. You might survive, but you won’t excel. You’ve got to hang your ass off that edge occasionally to expand your envelope. Again, that is NOT recklessness; it’s “calculated risk” you’ve thought through (risk vs reward) and have a plan for when it goes to shit. Because it goes to shit quickly.

This is how most of us have to behave so we can talk ourselves into strapping on the jet and hurtling down catapult stroke at night into shitty weather (See #TomcatTails Number 2 – First Night Launch). You simply HAVE to KNOW you can do it. It’s like a lot of endeavors, including baseball, as I’ve said before. If you’re at the plate in the top of the 9th facing Mariano Rivera, and you don’t think you can hit the ball, guess what? You can’t. Similarly, if it’s a dark-ass night and nothing’s working right and you think you can’t land your plane, guess what? You can’t (and your RIO is going to be PISSED).

So there’s the mindset in a nutshell. Everyone has a story like the following one if they flew from carriers for any length of time. That one night. That one F**KING night. A singularity among night landing stories. All in all I had maybe 300 night landings. Some were actually fun. Smooth seas, bright moon (literally casting a shadow in the cockpit), solid jet….almost like a video game. Some were pretty sporty for a variety of reasons (wind, weather, systems, weight, etc.). Some were downright frightening, like the time the deck was pitching so much I saw the screws, I swear.

But then there’s that one.

That one f**king night.

Ask any carrier pilot. He or she will have their story of that one f**king night.

Mine’s not especially complicated but the challenges were profound in execution. I can even describe it in just a few words:

“Dark ass night, zero lux. Deck was +/- 15 feet, 30+ knots winds axial. Damn VDI was out. A couple go-arounds then vertigo set in. Managed to trap on the 3rd try, deck down/high in close then coming down like a turd off a tall moose to the deuce.”

I’ll use the next bunch of words explaining that, but anyone that’s done this for a living won’t need to read anymore beyond the above. They’ve seen it and done it and just had a piss shudder down their back reading that. Such is the life.

As you can tell from the above synopsis, I was airborne on a REALLY shitty night off the USS Nimitz on my second cruise. Pretty experienced, been around the block and the Case III pattern quite a few times. I was definitely toward the top of my game at the time. I can’t recall who I was flying with but by then all of us 2nd cruise Lieutenants were flying together so the camaraderie was awesome. Junior Officers (JOs) flying with other JOs. Peak trust.

At some point during the flight, my Vertical Display Indicator (VDI or primary attitude reference) went black. Shit. It’s an 8” x 8” display right in front of you that displays the horizon, sky is up and water is down. It shows if you’re in a turn, climb, decent, etc. Kind of really important, especially at night. Now if the night horizon is visible, you can maintain a sense of right side up pretty easily even if it’s dark. In this case, it wasn’t visible. In fact in this case, we’re in the clouds while holding in the Marshall Stack waiting to come down.

So, the things we know:

a. Weather is really bad; thick clouds from 1,000 feet to somewhere up there.

b. It’s darker than the inside of a vacuum cleaner bag.

c. I have no primary attitude indicator and have to use the “peanut gyro”, a little two-inch standby attitude indicator in upper right instrument panel. Oh joy.

d. Winds are 35 knots axial, meaning straight down the path of the ship and with the 10° angle of the deck to the left, you have a 10° cross wind on final approach. Not a huge deal, just one among many things to consider.

e. Deck is pitching pretty good; we know this because folks have boltered and are checking back into approach so we know they missed the wires. Later in our first approach we could hear some screaming power calls from the LSO. Not good as it indicates people are having trouble.

f. This is gonna be sporty. But hey, Mariano Rivera got nothin’ on me, right?

As we push for our first attempt, I was doing pretty good as I prided myself on my ability to fly “on instruments” when you can’t see out the window. With everything normal, it takes 100% concentration to do well and stay on parameters (altitude, airspeed, glide slope, approach heading). With your VDI out and in shitty conditions, it takes more than that. That’s the “dig deep moment” right there.

As we get to 1 mile, I peek out and confirm that there is in fact a ship there. Ok, that’s good; back to instruments. RIO calls the ball and I peek again. Yup, still there. And then at half mile (12 seconds from landing) I start the transition scan and MAN is that deck moving (STOP LOOKING AT THE DECK) and I start flying the ball, AOA and trying to stay on centerline. Felt pretty good but……….”wave it off, wave it off.” Damn! Was that me? “Deck was coming up, Rage. See you in a few.” No, wasn’t me. OK, I got this.

We enter the bolter pattern, a racetrack path to the left of the ship to drive back to our starting point and try it again. At this point, the tension is increasing because a) we’re still airborne, b) we just missed our first try, and c) I’m gonna have to do that all over again. As we hook in at about 4 miles, we get back on final bearing and check in. All good. 1,200 feet, on speed, on final bearing and 3 miles, right around the push point for the glide slope. I’m working pretty hard at this point and the RIOs doing a great job of keeping his voice calm and easy (“mellifluous” is a good thing for a RIO to be right about now):

mel·lif·lu·ous /məˈlifləwəs/ adjective

(of a voice or words) sweet or musical; pleasant to hear.

The approach goes pretty good, we hit the start, and I get a little out of synch with the power and a correction for a slight low. We go a little high, go a little low, then go higher and……”wave it off, wave it off, Rage”. F**k. Any LSO out there right now knows exactly where I was headed here. Second pass of the night, high in close, pitching deck…..Corky was about to make a play for the deck. Sorry Corky. Not on my watch. Those guys really are trying to keep you alive. LSOs, you may now your dark sunglasses back on and grab your white sticks (we always joke that they’re blind…..get it??).

Ok, time to stop f**king around. Back to the bolter pattern, back to the 4 mile hook, start the left turn to final bearing. Looking and feeling really good until……..I move the stick to the right to roll out on final bearing and…….I don’t feel like I’m rolling out. The peanut gyro indicates I’m wings level but I feel I’m still left wing down in a left turn so my brain keeps the stick right and now we’re actually turning right, away from the final bearing. Make sense? I have vertigo and recognize it right away. So does the RIO. “You good, dude?” Me: “No. Got vertigo.” He says (mellifluously), "come back left…wings level, there you go. Steady up, wings level now, look at the gyro”.

Whew, this is where shit gets hard. I manage to squeak it back to final bearing but I’ve got “the leans” something fierce. That’s when ALL of your instruments are telling you you’re wings level, but EVERY sensation in your physical body is telling you you’re “leaning” one direction or another. Your brain even makes your butt send you signals that it feels heavy on the lean side. It’s all an inner ear problem and your brain not interpreting signals, but it’s as convincing as f**k. This wasn’t the first time I’d had the leans, but it was the first time I’d had them in the landing pattern on final. I realized I had a couple minutes to un-f**k my program so I’d better get on it.

Managing to stay on speed, on altitude, on bearing, we continued toward the boat. The only way to get rid of the leans/vertigo was to either magically see the actual horizon (wasn’t gonna happen, still in the vacuum cleaner bag) or talk your brain out of it. If you don’t, you’re probably going to have a mishap called “CFIT” or Controlled Flight Into Terrain. Basically you just drive into the dirt or water. That’s what killed JFK Junior; he had vertigo and got into a death spiral and just kept pulling the stick back thinking he was bringing the nose up. He wasn’t; he was actually in a 120° angle of bank turn pulling toward the water. Tragic.

I’d been pretty good at reorienting myself in the past but didn’t have much time to do it here. I boresighted (stared at) the little peanut gyro, letting what it was telling me get more clear. Deep breaths. Focus. Check altitude, speed, bearing…..back to the gyro. Deep breaths. Three mile point and push, setting up a 600 feet per minute rate of decent. Back to gyro. Deep breaths. Altitude, airspeed, bearing, VSI (vertical speed indicator showing 600 fpm). Fortunately much of that stick and rudder stuff is muscle memory and you can do it with out thinking about it too much, just don’t let the leans make you do something stupid. Gyro……….breathe.

And just like that, the leans disappear. It’s a weird feeling because all the sudden your body senses go from leaning left to sitting straight up. Your shoulders kind of square up and the tension leaves your body. And good timing too. One mile and a peek at the ship. Yay, it’s still there! We’re on glide slope, on speed, and on centerline as the RIO calls the ball. And I know I’m luckier than shit here but I’ll take it; would rather be lucky than good, right?? Nice smooth pass, deck seems to have settled out nicely as we cross the ramp and SLAM, the Corky Special (little settle to the deuce crossing the ramp; never pass up a perfectly good wire!). We’re home. Where the food it.

As we come out of the wires (hook up, flaps up, wings back) our director taxis us to a spot below the island. I think they did that on purpose just for me since I’d had quite a little ride (that everyone knew about) and they looked upon me with mercy and gave me an easy parking spot vice taxiing back to the scary stern at night. Thank you Mr. Yellow Shirt.

We get chocked and chained and shut down. Our Plain Captain lowers the ladder and my RIO steps out. As I sat there for a beat, the Flight Deck Chief shouts up “You coming out, Sir?!?” I shout down “No, I’m going to rest here for a minute!”. He nods knowingly. He knows that my legs are shaking so hard right then that I’d probably fall off the jet if I tried to climb down. We were the last jet to trap so it was more quiet than usual on the dark flight deck. Nice breeze in the face and a few more slow breaths and then I make my way out of the cockpit and down to the flight deck.

We had pizza that night in the dirty shirt wardroom and just shot the shit for 3 hours until the adrenaline wore off. Did we talk about the landing? Maybe for a minute, but we really didn’t need to. That’s the experiential shorthand between people that do this for a living. A look, a clap on the back, and another day.

@RSE_VB via X